Family Or Career?
by Gemma.A.S
Summary: Life is never simple, it takes one decision to change somebody's life forever ...


Family or Career?

That's the question many women face everyday ...

Apparently its a mans world ..  
Apparently women should be at home, looking after their families and husbands, cooking for them, cleaning for them, making sure they don't have to lift one little finger.

Should i go to work, provide for my family and be the modern woman?

Or should i take the role of the traditional wife and stay at home baking Cupcakes?

Well thats what everybody else thinks i should be doing, everybody thinks they have the right to judge me for working instead of staying home with my boys. Why should i have to choose between my family and my job?

Only i know it has nothing to do with the job, or the long hours, and everything to do with Greg, they way he looks at me, like i'm the most amazing, beautiful woman in the world. What woman doesn't want that? The way he runs after me when im upset, angry, or in need of a chat, and the way he wraps his arms around me and tells me that everything will be fine, that im stronger than this, he makes me feel like im invincible, like its me and him against the world, and i can do anything with his support.

It makes me question my marriage, the last nine years of my life. What've i been doing? with Rafi? He's given me my beautiful boys, but thats it, i don't feel anything for him.

Let me tell you all something about rafi, fair enough, he seems understanding, nice, loyal maybe, but believe me, he has never looked at me the way greg looks at me ... He has never made me feel how greg does, and has never in a million years, put me before anything else before the boys were born.

Am i stupid?  
Am i being ungrateful and selfish?

I don't love Rafi ... At least i think i don't ..  
Oh god ... this is so confusing. How can i expect greg or rafi to know what i want when i don't even know myself?

I need to find greg, i need to tell him im leaving, i need to tell him that i don't love him either.  
Pfftt who am i kidding? I dont need any of those things, i need a hug, i need him to tell me its all going to be okay.

...

I know where to find him, he always goes here when he's upset, he'll probably be sat in the on call room, fag in one hand, and his phone in the other, wondering, hoping that maybe for once somebody will tell him that everything's gonna be okay.

Okay so here goes ...

C'mon sahira open the door you coward, you cant talk to him through the door can you.

My hand hits the metal handle, and slowly opens the door ...

Ahh as i expected, there he is, with his fag and his phone.  
Typical greg.

He looks up at me, his sky blue eyes are filled with sadness, he looks hurt .. distant.  
This is my fault isn't it?  
I've done this.

I slowly walk towards him and place myself beside him, one look, thats all it takes, and he was his arms around me, no questions, no judgements, no nothing, just me and him.

"Greg"

"Don't ..."

I can hear the fear, the disappointment in his voice.

I look up and place my hands on his cheeks, pulling him to face me, he needs to hear this just as much as i need to say it.

"I don't want to leave you, all of this greg, i .. i didn't know what to do, you understand right ... i .. i ..."

Concentrate sahira ! I take my hands away from his face, and moved the hair out of my face ...

" All these feelings greg, the way you ... the way you make me feel, i've .. i've never felt it before"

"Sahira you don't have to do this .."

"No, no i do, or ill make the biggest mistake of my life, and ill never ever forgive myself ... i need to know how it feels .. i need to know how it feels to be with you, properly"

I look away, ashamed ...

...

Greg stood up, and held his hand out for sahira to take, she looked up at him, their beautiful eyes connecting together, she placed her hand in his and stood, facing eachother. Clothes were scattered, as they made memory maps of eachother, touching, feeling, wanting to be as close to eachother as humanly possible, they soon found themselves on the bed, they kissed each other like their lives depended on it, nothing was off limits, it was just them too, together, against the world, nothing could touch them, there was something so sacred and innocent about how they were together, they were meant to be together.

...

They'd done it.

It was finally real.  
They were finally real.  
It was no longer, lustful looks, and meaningful words.  
They had finally proved how much they meant to eachother.

"So what happens now"

He looked at sahira, his eyes no longer contained fear and disappointment, but hope and love.

"I can't do this without you greg, i can't do anything without you, i feel .. i feel as though i can't achieve anything if i don't have you with me"

"Does this mean ...?"

"Yes, im in love with you"

It was then that she realized that she could no longer deny her feelings for this amazing beautiful man, she couldn't carry on pretending, hoping everything would be okay because it wouldn't, it wouldn't be okay if she carried on, she had to finally face up to the fact that her marriage was over, her and rafi had ended a long time ago, he didn't want her anymore, she could tell, by the way he looked at her when he awoke in the morning to help her dress the children, it wasn't the look of a loving devoted husband, he looked uninterested, bored even. She would never try to justify what she had been doing with greg behind his back, but she had fallen in love with him. She loved everything about him ... His smile ... the way he wrinkles his forehead when he's confused, or trying to work something out, the way he now sings the nursery rhymes she used to hyme to herself, and the way he's so caring and considerate.

He was perfect to her.  
That's all he'll ever be.  
Perfect.

Please Review :)  
Love Gemma xx


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